10 Years

It has been 10 years since you left us.Dad

A bloody decade.

Honestly, I still can’t wrap my head around it.  I don’t understand how you could just drop off the face of the earth with no warning.

Today, I am angry.  Really, really angry at you.

I’m angry at you for leaving me, Kari and Christopher when we were just got the opportunity to get to know you.

I’m pissed off at you for leaving Omi.  She needed you.  More than any of us did.  No matter how tough she is, she still needs you now.

You have missed the important events that have happened in our lives.

Weddings.  New careers.  Big moves.  Grandchildren.

Damn it.  You missed seeing our kids growing up.  You’ve even missed meeting some of your grandchildren.

You’ve missed some of the most significant growing up we all did in the past 10 years.  You have missed out on watching us maturing into the adults we are today.

I am so angry because you aren’t there for advice when we need it.  Legal matters, illness and which path to take in life.  You weren’t there for any of it.

You are missing the best parts of our lives.


I Don’t Regret A Single Step

Life has been a lot of things for me lately.

It has tested me more than I ever thought possible. It has kicked my down. It has beaten me up. It has made me feel worthless. It has rewarded me. It has shown me what matters. It has made happier than I thought was possible. It has created more sadness than I have ever known.

Life has put things I really want so far out of my reach, they may never be within my grasp again.

All of this, because of choices I knowingly made for myself.  Chances I took, that I never would have taken in the past.  Some good, and some not so good.

But, if the truth has to be known, I don’t regret a single step.

Every moment and every choice was part of my journey. They haven’t always made me happy, and they haven’t always made everyone else happy either, but they have all been a part of getting to where I am heading.

I still don’t know that precise destination, but it is taking shape and finally has some direction.

No Regrets


Flying For The First Time

June 9th was a HUGE day for me.

At thirty-seven years old, I boarded a plane for the first time ever and flew to Calgary with my boss on a business trip.

It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it was.  I was nervous and full of fear – mostly of the unknown.

We flew out of the Waterloo Airport. It was small and calm.  It made everything seem a little less big.

As we were walking outside to board, I took a couple pictures for my kids, who have also never been on a plane.  I was nervous and my hands were shaking while I took them.  I didn’t even notice how cool the plane was.  As it turns out, we were on the WestJet Disney plane, and my kids thought that was awesome.

WestJet Disney Plane

We boarded, and sat down.  We were some of last stragglers to get on the plane, so the wait for take off was minimal.  I was nervous, but okay until we started to move.

Then my stomach started doing gymnastics.  There was no going back now.  I was not talking much, and just watched out the window while the plane taxied to the runway.  It felt like this part of the the flight took forever.

The plane turned on to the runway and started accelerating.  I immediately froze and went as stiff as a board.  I couldn’t hear anything except the sounds of the plane and I watched out the window as the ground got further and further away.

I don’t know how long it took, but I’m sure a good five minutes passed before I realized the ladies in front of me were still carrying on conversation like they were sitting in a restaurant.  Just a normal day for them.  I looked over and saw my boss watching me, and I started laughing at myself.  It was at this point I realized was okay.

I started to enjoy the view and took pictures of the wing (I know so cliche) and the clouds to show my kids.  I watched as we flew over Lake Huron and was amazed at the number of wind generators are along the shoreline now.  I read a book, played on my iPad and took more pictures.


It was an incredibly smooth flight, until we got into Calgary and started to descend.

The cloud cover was thick, and the turbulence it caused was so unsettling.  It was really cool to watch though, because we were flying through layers and layers of clouds.  Sitting right beside the engine, I could see the clouds we were hitting and feel the resulting shake of the plane.


The landing went well after we passed through the cloud, and that was it.

I made it.  Unscathed.  I never once left my seat during the 4 hour flight, but I made it.

When we flew home, the takeoff barely bothered me, and even the turbulence we could feel much of the flight wasn’t a big deal.  It’s funny how irrational fears are eradicated with a little bit of experience.


WOW! It’s amazing to do something for the first time. I started flying when I was small, having divorced parents living 4 provinces apart. I love flying. The turbulence is the best part-that’s how you know you’re flying! I enjoyed the flight to TO in mid-January-my first time to visit that city and I got to see the Great Lakes from the sky. Really cool. Looking forward to returning in January again. :)

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

I love baseball.  The Toronto Blue Jays are my team, and good or bad, I have loved them since I was a kid.  Anyone who knows me knows this about me.

I have been fortunate enough to attended several games over the years.  The very first game was in June 1990 when I was twelve years old. It was the end of the year trip for my grade 7 class, and it may be the very day I fell in love with baseball.

I can’t remember who the Blue Jays were playing, and I don’t know the exact day we went.  I can’t recall what players were on the field.  I’m not even sure I can remember the friends I was there with.  What I do remember from though, is how incredible it felt to be in the middle of ballpark.  The energy was like nothing I experienced before. I was hooked.

Fast forward to present day…

Yesterday I attended the Canada Day Blue Jays game with my boys.  It was our third game of the season, and I splurged and bought us seats along the 3rd base line.  It was such a great experience.  The game was incredible and the patriotic energy was out of this world.  The crowd singing O Canada in the top of the ninth as the Jays closed in on the win was a highlight for sure.

The boys came home with a couple of player autographs and a batting practice ball as well.  They talked to other fans around us, and shared high fives and fist bumps every time the Blue Jays hit one of their 5 home runs.  And they were part of a wave that made it around the sold out ballpark more than two times.

The SkyDome (aka Rogers Centre) was alive yesterday.  The energy of the crowd brought me back to that day twenty-five years ago.  The day that a twelve year old girl fell in love with baseball.



10 Things I Love About Winter

One of the best things about living in Ontario, is being able to experience all four seasons and the crazy range of weather that accompanies them.

Today we have received a mixed bag of wintery goodness in the form of a winter storm.  Snow, rain and freezing rain have made driving treacherous, and the thought of being outside undesirable.

Even so, I love the winter months.  Here are 10 Things I Love About Winter:

  1. Ice Skating.  Indoors is fun, but nothing beats being on an outdoor rink.
  2. Tobogganing.  I haven’t been in a few years, and climbing the hill is the worst part. It is always best when the hill is far too big and slightly dangerous.
  3. Good wet, sticky, packing snow.  Perfect for snowballs and snowball fights.  Also good for building snowmen too.
  4. The silence outside when snow is falling.  It is beautiful.  The whole world seems muffled and muted.
  5. Snowflakes and the way they sparkle and shine on a beautiful and sunny winter day.
  6. Puddles.  The ones that have frozen over night.  On gravel roads are the best.  The ice is right at the top and only air below.  Nothing reminds me of being a kid quite like the thrill and the crunch of stomping on a frozen puddle.
  7. Mild winter days.  Ones where the temperature is hovering just above freezing and the sun is out.  Those days when you can literally spend hours playing in the snow.
  8. Animal footprints.  They are the best when you see them in freshly fallen snow.  Always fun to try to figure out what animal left it.
  9. The way your nose and nostrils freeze on super cold days, when you inhale deeply. Bonus points if you can feel it in your lungs.
  10. Icicles that are hanging.  Especially on mild days when you can see them slowly melting and dripping.  The ones you want to watch, while keeping a safe distance because you know they could fall any minute.

Winter RoadWintery BlurIcy Window

Photographer credit goes to Owen for the two pictures taken while I was driving today. He is learning to master iPhone snapshots for me.

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Minus 20 , ice skating under a brilliant moon and heading indoors for hot chocolate with frozen toes. Memories of a great childhood